You Don’t Mess With Putin 3D Delayed/Snowden Run going Commercial

The Call Of Duty: Black Ops – Zombies parody “You Don’t Mess With Putin” has been delayed until the holiday period in order to ensure the type of quality befitting a AAA game about Vladimir Putin, even on low-end hardware. Recently Bullet Physics Engine has being integrated into the 3D Engine powering the title, and runs at full-speed on iOS, Android, PC and Mac. The game will launch with one free map, after which a second map will be released as DLC. After this , I am planning to add a campaign mode to this predominantly multi-player title focusing on Putin’s early years as a KGB operative.

In other news, Snowden Run 3D will go commercial in the next couple of days. This is due to the suspiciously low amount of downloads, which do not yield any type of income at all through advertisements used a main mode of monitization. This exclusion of all but two of the three episodes will also lower the threshold to actually download the title due to the decrease in file size.





Snowden Run 3D Updated! [Play as Julian Assange...]

A Significant update for Snowden Run 3D has being released today.

It adds new power-ups, characters and a store feature.
The next update will fix bugs and improve level design, there will be no more powerups or characters in the future.

What has being added;

  • You can play as WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange
  • You can play as the fictional Russian Spy and sister of Julian’s Julia Assange
  • Two Jet packs have being added: the Altruistic Ego Device MK1 and MK2, both can suspend you in mid-air for a given amount of time. It spawns randomly
  • A power-up called “Iron Putin” was introduced, it spawns randomly and summons Vladimir Putin who will destroy all obstacles in your path, clearing the way.
  • A store which allows you to buy aforementioned powerups, eighter with USB Sticks or by making a small donation.
  • A new level-piece has being added to the NSA HQ level, which spoofs the announcement of Microsoft’s “XBox One: Kinect ™”
  • A few new obstacles have being added, more coming soon.
You can play the PC/Mac version here, which is completely unlocked and includes all characters and powerups:
Mike The Spike
(Michele Rocco Smeets)

Micky D’s Secret Ingredient

Sometimes the simplest of answers enlighten the most complex of life riddles. After having worked for Micky’Ds, I finally learned the secret ingredient that makes their burgers taste like shit: feces. I know, it sounds hard to believe at first, but really, shit is an important ingredient in McDonald’s handburgers. Human shit to be precise. Some history; McDonalds once tried to sell frozen burgers to consumers in grocery stores back in the 70′s. They used the exact same ingredients as they would in their restaurants. But they never got past the taste-testing phase of the project. The reason for this was a slight difference in the taste of the burgers, regardless from the fact that the exact same ingredients and cooking times were used. A coalition of food experts investigated the problem and concluded that the answer lies in the fact that the frozen burgers were assembled by machines in a factory, and the restaurant burgers by immigrants, students too stupid to earn money dealing crackaïne on campus to gothic kids like every other regular person, and pregnant crackhoes that got past the point of being able to afford condoms and are now unemployed due to pregnancy of and from a hideous monstrosity. And what do students, crackhoes and immigrants have in common? That’s right; Shit! All these people shit as a way to evacuate their bowels from wastes, instead of holding it in indefinitely like *real* mofos! Now, you really think these people are gonna spend three seconds washing their hands after their daily crapminute? You think? Wrong! I know I wouldn’t, and didn’t. Not that I take craps like a wuss, but I do spend a lot of time with my fingers in the anuses of syphilis-riddled Russian Prostitutes.

Also, it seems that due to the vast amounts of Mono Sodium Glutamate modern man consumes, a human turd contains at least 75% MSG. This is all calculated in now, and they are correct to state that they don’t add MSG to their burgers. The shit stuck beneath the nails of their employees does. And that’s why their burgers are so addictive; crapfingers.

McDonalds: I’m Lovin’ Shit